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A Christian fundamentalist who, apparently overnight, stops believing. Suddenly there is the recognition of ambiguity and
inaccuracies...lies. I believed in you, my church, I trusted you, I gave you my life and now I have been robbed. Nothing makes
sense any more, not my faith, not my life, nothing. I have been conned, duped, tricked. I must turn away, I must walk away,
I must leave and, in doing so, I know that I will be rejected by those who I hold dear, my family and my friends. I may lose
all but I cannot stay.
This is a terrific trauma, this period of my life. I know I will survive it but what will
be my new life? How can I reconcile myself to myself? How will I build the me that is to be me? How do I define myself without
my religion, without my Bible, without my God. 'Stop!'
I was wrong, mistaken about my beliefs and I became the
victim of a system. Everything I understood about my Christian life, everything I believed, everything I based my life on,
was wrong. God was wrong, he does not exist. 'Stop!'
I must put all this behind me, it was all lies, God was a
lie and God remains a lie. 'Stop!'
I must move on, reject all the thoughts of the past, all the conditioning, I
have loved a God that does not exist. 'Stop!'
I must move forward and enter into a new life, a new reality...without
God. 'Stop!'
* * * * *
'Stop!'
It speaks to me. I hear it calling but I will not listen. I cannot
listen. I am afraid to listen.
'Stop!'
It will tell me I am wrong, but I am right. It disturbs me. I will
not listen.
'Stop!'
Dare I listen? Do I have the courage to listen to that which calls from deep within?
* * * * *
'My child, I am Love and I am yours and the love with which you have loved me has not strayed.
There is a bond, inseparable, between us. Many have reviled my Love and gone astray for they have not yet come to know who
I am. I am that I am, and I am Love. Speak to me now and tell me, was it not my hand that led you to where you walk today?
Was it not Love that called you forth? Was it not I who said I have a new path for you to follow? And did I not hold your
hand as you walked away? Will you not let me walk with you and light the way?
'Do not fear me, because you know
me. We are old friends, you and I, we have known each other well for quite a while. Stop, my friend, and listen. Turn and
you will see me by your side. Let us talk together as we stroll on stride by stride.'
copyright: J. Gentles, June 2001
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